ABC News has an article about 20-somethings moving back in with their parents because of the amount of debt they are carrying. This brings several thoughts to mind:1) Moving in with mom and dad could be a good thing or a bad thing.
I remember when LeAnn and I graduated from JBU. We had plans to go with TEAM to Venezuela and work at Christiansen Academy. We needed to raise our own funds in order to go, and so to save money, we lived with LeAnn's folks in Topeka, KS. It was a great situation because LeAnn and I respected her folks, their household, and made an effort to help with the maintenance of the home (meals, cleaning, yard work, etc.). It also worked because LeAnn's parents respected us as a family and allowed us to make our own decisions in matters that concerned us.
But without the mutual respect and love for one another, I don't think it would have been a good situation. We had only been married one year when we moved in with them. We had strange jobs and hours. We were poor and didn't pay rent (which was what they wanted as a way to help us get to Venezuela faster).
I think many young adults need to think twice before moving back in with their parents (and the parents need to think twice before allowing it). Do you, as a young adult, have a plan for the next year? When do you plan to move out? Can you respect your parents and the culture of their home? Are you willing and capable of helping with the functioning of the household? Will you approach the situation more as a servant than as the adult child of your parents?
2) Debt. According to the article, the main reason these young adults are moving back in with Ma and Pa is because of debt, which is usually from college loans. This is why good financial decision making is such a necessity - and even needs to begin in high school. If you do not have debt, I encourage you to do everything you can to stay out of it. If you do have debt, I encourage you to have an aggressive plan to get out. Sacrifice that nicer car. Sacrifice the toys (i.e. video games, bikes, skis, IPod, etc. for guys - shoes, clothes, movies, IPod, etc. for the girls (and forgive me for the stereotypes!)). Heck, sacrifice the Starbucks for breakfast, the Panera for lunch, and the Olive Garden for dinner (and Perkins late night). Get aggressive and get rid of the debt. You will be so much freer when you are out of debt and will have so much more to give.
3) Identity. Moving in with the P's can mess with a 20-something's identity. It is important for a young adult to learn who they are as God has made them to be. Sometimes parents can project their wishes and desires on to the young adult. Or it can be considered "shameful" to still live at home in some circles. And so if you find yourself a 20-something living at home, please respect your parents, but pursue the identity God has for you. Find out what YOU are passionate about, what YOU are skilled at, who YOU are as a man or a woman.
4) Motivation. It has been my experience to meet many young adults who, as back-home live-ins, lack the motivatation to get their own place and establish their own identity. They often struggle to find work, or go to school, or find a better job, or find healthy relationships with peers. If debt is involved, it can be even more overwhelming and squelch whatever motivation may have been hiding in the mind. If you find yourself in this situation, I encourage you to stay motivated to get out on your own, and establish yourself. God wants us to be givers and contributors, and if you remain an unmotivated home-slug, you aren't living in sync with God's heartbeat.
So those are my thoughts on 20-somethings living back at home with large debt. What are yours?
-E
2 comments:
I have this feeling that despite seeing and knowing wordly things such as sex, drugs, and violence at an ever increasingly younger age the age at which we actually mature is growing older and older.
My dad, for example, at 25 was the father of three kids and was running his own company. The thought of me in his shoes frightens me.
Either though selfishness or immaturity or possibly natural process I'm lagging far behind. I will be 27 when I have my first child. Statistics show that marriages are occurring later and later in life, yet the divorce rate doesn't decline. So it's not that we're becoming smarter and picking our mates better. We're just running scared.
Looking inward, I see a generation of me first, "serve me", "I deserve" attitudes. 25 year olds with only a part-time job, living at home on the parents' dollar, going on trips and taking guitar lessons because "I've always dreamed of learning guitar." All the while, living the life of a teenager as a twenty-something.
Parents shoulder some of the blame as well. Whether through their inability to let go or desire to come to aid of their children they "help" whenever possible, they're providing too much of a cushion. I think back to "The Cosby Show" where Cliff Huxtable looked forward to the day when his kids would be out of the house. Come 18, he was going to kick them out. Anymore, parents are all to quick to welcome "kids" home with open arms if they were ever to leave the house in the first place.
I, after college, moved home for a year. I wasn't engaged in family activities or helping around the house as I should have been. On the flip side, I was charged rent, 400-500 per month, so I gained that aspect of real-world-ism early on. Even still, I was immature, and to some degree probably still am, but having identified it, I am forcing myself to grow up. From building and sticking to a budget, to finding a church family, to keeping the house maintenance up to snuff, to shoveling your driveway and mowing the yard.
I have to agree with your post Erin, 20 something are simply making dumb mistakes with their money and attempting to fix their mistakes by moving in with Mom and Dad to save money all the while stiffling the maturing process.
It'd be one thing to be living at home as a grown-up extension of the family, contributing to household duties. Part of the family, yet separate enough to mature. But what really seems to be going on is the 20 somethings not growing up and living the teenage life, all while Mom and Dad condone and support it through their actions.
I have this feeling that despite seeing and knowing wordly things such as sex, drugs, and violence at an ever increasingly younger age the age at which we actually mature is growing older and older.
My dad, for example, at 25 was the father of three kids and was running his own company. The thought of me in his shoes frightens me.
Either though selfishness or immaturity or possibly natural process I'm lagging far behind. I will be 27 when I have my first child. Statistics show that marriages are occurring later and later in life, yet the divorce rate doesn't decline. So it's not that we're becoming smarter and picking our mates better. We're just running scared.
Looking inward, I see a generation of me first, "serve me", "I deserve" attitudes. 25 year olds with only a part-time job, living at home on the parents' dollar, going on trips and taking guitar lessons because "I've always dreamed of learning guitar." All the while, living the life of a teenager as a twenty-something.
Parents shoulder some of the blame as well. Whether through their inability to let go or desire to come to aid of their children they "help" whenever possible, they're providing too much of a cushion. I think back to "The Cosby Show" where Cliff Huxtable looked forward to the day when his kids would be out of the house. Come 18, he was going to kick them out. Anymore, parents are all to quick to welcome "kids" home with open arms if they were ever to leave the house in the first place.
I, after college, moved home for a year. I wasn't engaged in family activities or helping around the house as I should have been. On the flip side, I was charged rent, 400-500 per month, so I gained that aspect of real-world-ism early on. Even still, I was immature, and to some degree probably still am, but having identified it, I am forcing myself to grow up. From building and sticking to a budget, to finding a church family, to keeping the house maintenance up to snuff, to shoveling your driveway and mowing the yard.
I have to agree with your post Erin, 20 something are simply making dumb mistakes with their money and attempting to fix their mistakes by moving in with Mom and Dad to save money all the while stiffling the maturing process.
It'd be one thing to be living at home as a grown-up extension of the family, contributing to household duties. Part of the family, yet separate enough to mature. But what really seems to be going on is the 20 somethings not growing up and living the teenage life, all while Mom and Dad condone and support it through their actions.
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