In debt to the bank and mom...

ABC News has an article about 20-somethings moving back in with their parents because of the amount of debt they are carrying. This brings several thoughts to mind:

1) Moving in with mom and dad could be a good thing or a bad thing.

I remember when LeAnn and I graduated from JBU. We had plans to go with TEAM to Venezuela and work at Christiansen Academy. We needed to raise our own funds in order to go, and so to save money, we lived with LeAnn's folks in Topeka, KS. It was a great situation because LeAnn and I respected her folks, their household, and made an effort to help with the maintenance of the home (meals, cleaning, yard work, etc.). It also worked because LeAnn's parents respected us as a family and allowed us to make our own decisions in matters that concerned us.

But without the mutual respect and love for one another, I don't think it would have been a good situation. We had only been married one year when we moved in with them. We had strange jobs and hours. We were poor and didn't pay rent (which was what they wanted as a way to help us get to Venezuela faster).

I think many young adults need to think twice before moving back in with their parents (and the parents need to think twice before allowing it). Do you, as a young adult, have a plan for the next year? When do you plan to move out? Can you respect your parents and the culture of their home? Are you willing and capable of helping with the functioning of the household? Will you approach the situation more as a servant than as the adult child of your parents?

2) Debt. According to the article, the main reason these young adults are moving back in with Ma and Pa is because of debt, which is usually from college loans. This is why good financial decision making is such a necessity - and even needs to begin in high school. If you do not have debt, I encourage you to do everything you can to stay out of it. If you do have debt, I encourage you to have an aggressive plan to get out. Sacrifice that nicer car. Sacrifice the toys (i.e. video games, bikes, skis, IPod, etc. for guys - shoes, clothes, movies, IPod, etc. for the girls (and forgive me for the stereotypes!)). Heck, sacrifice the Starbucks for breakfast, the Panera for lunch, and the Olive Garden for dinner (and Perkins late night). Get aggressive and get rid of the debt. You will be so much freer when you are out of debt and will have so much more to give.

3) Identity. Moving in with the P's can mess with a 20-something's identity. It is important for a young adult to learn who they are as God has made them to be. Sometimes parents can project their wishes and desires on to the young adult. Or it can be considered "shameful" to still live at home in some circles. And so if you find yourself a 20-something living at home, please respect your parents, but pursue the identity God has for you. Find out what YOU are passionate about, what YOU are skilled at, who YOU are as a man or a woman.

4) Motivation. It has been my experience to meet many young adults who, as back-home live-ins, lack the motivatation to get their own place and establish their own identity. They often struggle to find work, or go to school, or find a better job, or find healthy relationships with peers. If debt is involved, it can be even more overwhelming and squelch whatever motivation may have been hiding in the mind. If you find yourself in this situation, I encourage you to stay motivated to get out on your own, and establish yourself. God wants us to be givers and contributors, and if you remain an unmotivated home-slug, you aren't living in sync with God's heartbeat.

So those are my thoughts on 20-somethings living back at home with large debt. What are yours?
-E

Mean and selfish young adults

I just read on the Catalyst blog that according to the Barna Research group young adults are more likely to break behavioral boundaries in cultural, social, and spiritual areas than their parents' generation. The quote at the end of the post really stood out to me:

Barna’s David Kinnaman notes, “The research shows people’s moral profile is more likely to resemble that of their peer group than it is to take shape around the tenets of a person’s faith.”

I find myself with several things rattling around in my head after reading this.

#1. I hope it's not true. But I fear that it is.

I recently taught a group of parents soon to have out-of-high-school children about preparing their kids for life as an independent young adult. I used material from Paul Stanley (who works with the Navigators) about the different life stages people go through. For the 18-30 group, he says that THE question they are seeking to internally answer is "Who Am I?" This question naturally leads someone to live life slightly more selfishly because they aren't 100% sure of who they are as designed by God, and so they seek experiences and feedback in life that will help to answer this question.

As I have worked with young adults now for almost 5 years (and I fear to say this since many of them will read this) I have seen this to be true. MANY of the decisions they make come from a self-centered viewpoint ("what do I get out of this") than from an others-centered viewpoint ("how will this benefit others"). Often marriage helps in adjusting this, but not always. To be fair, ALL people live life with a bit of selfishness, including myself. But on a stereotypical level, this seems to be more true of 20 and 30-somethings than of the generations ahead of us.

Which brings me to my next thought...

#2. Is this a generational difference that Barna is pointing out or a life stage difference?

Barna makes it seem to be a generational thing, almost as if to say "people over 40 are better than people in their 20s and 30s" But I think Stanley would say it is a life stage thing - and I am inclined to lean that direction myself (but willing to admit the power of peer pressure might lend to these survey results which makes it a generational thing).

If the primary internal question people in their 20s and 30s wrestle with is "who am I?", then people in their 40s and 50s wrestled with that same question twenty years ago. And chances are they too bent their morals during that time of life in order to search and test who they really were. Life experience has helped them see that lying doesn't help, that profanity reveals a weaker mind, gossip comes back to haunt you, and more along the same lines. Plus, they've been answering the question "who am I?" and have moved on to different internal life stage questions. So they change throughout life, coming to the point that they are now.

If this is the case, then I expect in twenty years we'll see similar results in a similar survey from the Barna Group. But if it is a generational thing, then I expect we'll see 40-50 somethings behaving pretty much the same way they are now as 20-somethings.

#3. According to Scripture, this isn't anything new.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:20, "...I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder."

The things Barna is reporting has been part of the human condition for thousands of years, due to something commonly known as sin. But perhaps Paul was writing to a group of young adults... :o)

#4. My next thought is "what should I do with this information?"

I don't think I will "do" much with it, except to use it to encourage me to stay with the same path I've chosen in leading the young adult ministry I oversee. I want to help young adults answer the question "who am I?" and a big part of that is helping them see how God sees them in Christ and the importance then of Christlike character. If they are living with godly character, I don't have to worry about the profanity, lying, gossiping, etc. that Barna is reporting to be true of this generation I love and am called to work with right now. Jesus himself said "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." (Matthew 15:19) So we will continue to not only challenge the mind, but impact the heart, to help this great generation be passionate followers of Christ!

Thanksgiving letter to Blogger...

Dear Blogger,

Thank you for FINALLY allowing me to upgrade my blog to Blogger Beta. It feels good to be chosen. While I don't think my post about being taunted by you really had anything to do with this new opportunity, I do sense a bit of Murphy's Law (or Murphy's Cousin's Law) in action.

It is Thanksgiving Day, so I am saying Thanks to you. I will take a look at your new features in the near future, but right now I am going to eat my ice cream, then enjoying hot tubbing with my wife now that the kids are in bed. I'm enjoying time at my brother's place in Nebraska, and these relationships at the moment seem more important than learning about your wonderful new updates. So forgive me for setting you aside for a while after complaining about waiting so long for this opportunity.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Blogger. May your servers serve well.
-E

P.S. The photo was taken this afternoon just before Thanksgiving meal. See how happy my family is that you upgraded my blog? We truly are grateful. ;o)

Taunted by Blogger...

First, my friend and executive pastor, Kim tells me about this button in his Blogger Dashboard inviting him to switch to the "new" Blogger in Beta. He now has the ability to add tags and do other cool things.

Then my friend and fellow pastor, Tye tells me about his invite to upgrade his blog a few weeks ago.

And all I have to do is wait for my "invite" to be there on my Blogger Dashboard. And so I wait. And wait. And each time I get ready to make a new post, I look for "the button" and find that I am still among the unchosen (perhaps this is the blog version of Calvinism?).

Well, as I made my latest post just moments ago, there it was - the button! It was right next to the happy text that celebrates with me that my new post has been successfully put on my blog each time I click on the "publish" button. It told me all the great new things I would be able to do and how much better my blogging life would be. And so I happily clicked on the button, looking forward to all these new features that Tye and Kim have been telling me about. I am finally among the chosen!

Until I read the next page...

"We're sorry, but we are only allowing certain blogs at this time to be upgraded to the new Beta Blogger. Keep watching your Dashboard for your chance to enjoy the new features."

I am becoming convinced that Blogger is taunting me.

P.S. I know, I know, I can go start a new blog that takes advantage of the new features and import my old blog stuff later, but I don't want to hassle with that. That just seems to be part of the taunting as well.

Obituary for VHS

Gina Green, my administrative assistant, sent an email with the obituary for VHS. This will make my 3-year-old-as-of-tomorrow son very sad, since he can do the VCR at home by himself (despite his parents telling him "no touch" or "wait"), but the DVD player is out of his reach. Here's the shortened version of the obit:

After a long illness, the groundbreaking home-entertainment format VHS has died of natural causes in the United States. The format was 30 years old." The newspaper notes that VHS " is survived by a child, DVD, and by TiVo, VOD and DirecTV" and was preceded in death by Betamax, Divx, mini-discs and laserdiscs. The paper said that while VHS had been ailing, the format's death became official this quarter as retailers decided to pull the plug, saying shelf space was no longer available. Surviving VHS tapes may be found in toy stores or some dollar video chains "for those who cannot deal with the death of the format."

What's the title (of this blog or of your pastor...)?

Tye, one of the great pastors I work with at New Covenant, recently blogged about "titles". His post came immediately to mind when I saw this video parody-ing the NBC "The More You Know" commercials.

I must say, some of the commercials on the "The Church You Know" site are really funny, while others "ride the line" of offensiveness (for some, they are way OVER the line!). I guess some people feel you have to do that in order to engage people to think and discuss critical issues. I've seen it with the XXX Church guys as well several people involved with the emerging church.

Spiritual Q & A

At last week's Watershed Worship Gathering, we had a "Spiritual Q&A". People could write down any spiritual questions they had, and I took my best shot at mutilating an answer. To listen to the mp3, click the link in sentence #1.

However, even though I wasted 45 minutes of everyone's time, there were so many good questions that we just couldn't get to them all. So I promised to post them somewhere, and this is the place. A huge thanks to my administrative assistant Gina for typing all these up for us! Some of these I answered during the night, but most I just couldn't get to. Enjoy wrestling with these questions and God yourself!

P.S. These were typed "as is", so any mistakes you see (especially grammatical) are from the original written question.

Doctrine/Theology/Biblical Passages

? Other than there being a commandment, why should one not steal?
? Thou shall not murder- does this mean ?murder? in a war? Should there be war?
? Do you follow the government that may be against a commandment and support it?
? Does God support liberalism?
? What does it mean to follow God? Ultimately the answer usually includes something that equates to ?listen and He will guide you? but if you can?t ?hear? God, how are you supposed to follow His leadings?
? What do you think ?the Kingdom of God? is? How much attention should we give it and how should it influence the rest of our spiritual lives?
? What does the Bible say about inter-racial marriage?
? Can a believer that has accepted Jesus into their hearts be possessed by a demon? Why or why not?
? Why does the Catholic Church believe we have a connection to/with the dead and the Protestant church doesn?t?
? What is the meaning behind baptism & why do we practice it today?
? Angels- can they be saved, if not, why? If so, can Satan? Does God love Satan, his enemy? What?s the difference between man and angels?
? How do you recognize the baptism of the Spirit?
? Are spiritual gifts (such as tongues, prophecies, etc) necessary to prove salvation?
? Should you give to God first or erase your debt first?

Forgiveness/Sin
? Can we truly believe that someone who believes in Jesus, our Lord, does something horrible like kill someone, repent, kill another man out of hate & repent will go to heaven if he truly repents as opposed to someone who believes in one Lord, does not believe or know of Jesus but live a happy, fair, helping life?
? How do you confront a friend without hurting their feelings? They know they are sinning but they don?t care to change-but they?re in leadership positions.
? Often we are told to guard our hearts, yet how do we do this when we are to forgive over and over an offense which can harden our heart?
? What passages would you point people to who are questioning God?s love for the church-the importance of us being dedicated to one church body?
? How do you claim the forgiveness & grace of God when there?s not an ounce of you that believes God could ever forgive, restore & love you again?
? What is the best way to approach a Christian who continues to engage in obviously sinful behavior even when he/she knows it is sinful?

Prayer
? Define the Holy Spirit and how it relates to prayers
? What the difference between praying directly to God vs. Jesus?
? I struggle with praying that God would help people who aren?t believers in Christ overcome difficult situations in their lives (ex: lost a job, family problems, sickness, loss of a loved one). How much will God do to ?help? them other than to draw them to Himself? I find myself praying that God would not make everything better, but that He would use the situation to help them see their need for a Savior. What are your thoughts/suggestions?

Surrender
? Scripture teaches that God cares for us and provides for us-and I see that in my daily life- yet I?m held back from completely rejoicing in that because I think of other people whose needs are not met (dying in accidents, starvation in 3rd world countries, those who die unsaved). How do we deal with these things?
? What does it look like to trust God with your whole life? Complete surrender?
? How can I fully open my heart to God and friends?

Witnessing
? How do you talk to a person about a personal relationship with Jesus who considers themselves already a Christian, but does not attend church or seem to live a true Christian lifestyle?

Sovereignty of God
? If God knows all that is to come, how can there be such a thing as free will?
? Pre-destination stuff
? Why did God plan that Judas would betray Jesus? If he loves us, how was He showing love to Judas? Why did He harden Pharoah?s heart in front of Moses? How was He showing love by sending plagues (as opposed to softening Pharoah?s heart so he would release the Israelites right away)? I?ve heard these things were to show God?s power but it scares me because it seems like Judas?s & Pharoah?s free will were taken away & they were used (by God) to do bad things?my point is that they weren?t in control & had to do bad things? could this happen to me? I want to do good for God so badly, but sometimes I get scared that God may harden my heart.

Relationships
? Why do I pick at my impurities about myself? What can I do to stop?
? Should I worry if I think no one likes me?

Misc. Questions
? Can you share any new insights that God has given you lately?
? Practically speaking, what does it mean to do things ?in God?s strength?, rather than our own? Doesn?t our strength come from God? If so, then what?s the difference?
? So often I hear people say it says in the Bible, ?I give to you my seed bearing plants? and so many people argue that marijuana is such and so it?s okay to do.
? Can there be too much pumpkin pie? (note from me: this one was an inside joke from something I said during the announcements)

Thanks to everyone who asked a question! I will pray that God will continue to guide and answer you on your honest search. And no, I'm not going to tackle these on here: I'm taking the next couple weeks off and I'm sure when I get back I'll have other things I'll want to blog about!

Live Life

I just ran across this quote in my files while looking for something else...

I want people who are sick to know that a good life doesn't need to be a long life; that they can live the life God gave them, not the life they wish God gave them.

And who is attributed with saying this quote? Cubby De Prince, an 8 year old with AIDS. I sure hope that is true and not some Internet hoax, because that is one awesome quote.

Now that the election is over...

I got so sick of all the negative ads in this year's election - seemed worse than ever. And we don't even watch much television! Made me not want to vote for anyone.

But here's one negative ad I kind of liked. Curious enough, I'd probably vote for Billy!

Enjoy this little video to celebrate the end of election season!

A "haggard" response...

Gordon MacDonald, who is not unfamiliar with public moral failings, chimes in with a great response on the Ted Haggard confession over at the Out of Ur blog.

I feared the worst...

Looks like the allegations against Pastor Ted Haggard for the most part are true. I had hoped so much that he was innocent, but as soon as I heard Ted had denied everything and then recanted on part of it, I feared the worst.

But rather than launch a bunch of verbal missiles, I am choosing to pray for Ted, his family, his church, and Mike Jones, the one who brought this out into the open. I can't imagine the pain these people must feel in the wake of all this. I'd invite you to join me in prayer before we cast judgmental stones.

I am also praying that I and the leaders at New Covenant would be above reproach in all we do, be honest about who we are, and seek help when we are struggling. While New Covenant is the healthiest church I have ever been a part of, one scandal like this could rip to shreds what we have humbly worked so hard at achieving.

And I am also thanking God for his grace these days!

Equipping Staff/Spouse Retreat

I'm at Camp Io-Dis-E-Ca with our Equipping Staff and our spouses right now. All around me is tons of laughter - we have all needed this time to relax and be together. I am SO blessed to be part of such a great team!

Right now Tye is entertaining us with stories from his previous church. His hilarious stories are making me even MORE glad I am where I am!

Well, it's time to go grab some snacks. So while I head for the cookies, here are a couple pics of my awesome kids for you to enjoy:

Tears and Confession...

I want to cry.

As I woke up to the radio this morning, I heard a news report that Ted Haggard, Sr. Pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO and now-former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, was being accused of having a three-year homosexual affair. When I got to my office (after speaking at Isaac Newton Christian Academy's chapel), I headed to the Internet (before it was down for 5 hours today!) to learn more.

One of the first things I saw was an interview with Haggard. He denied knowing the guy, denied ever doing drugs, and claimed he was faithful to his wife. As I watched his eyes and body language, I truly believed he was telling the truth.

But now, just moments ago, I learned that he has admitted that "some of the accusations against him are true".

I am not going to make judgements about Ted or the accuser, Mike Jones, at this time. I've already seen too much of that in the few news articles I've seen so far. But if ANY of it is true, it makes me extremely sad. Sad that Ted would do what he knew was wrong. Sad that Ted lied to the media initially. Sad that Mike Jones chose to reveal this hoping to influence some ballots in Colorado.

But also sad because I know this could be me.

No, I've never had a homosexual affair. Heck, I've never even had a homosexual desire. And I've never had a heterosexual affair either.

But I have thought about a sexual tryst. I've looked too long at a woman on the street and wondered certain things. I know I've had all sorts of sinful thoughts and have been tempted in many ways many times. And if I'm not careful, I, too, could end up temporarily removed from my job while an investigation takes place.

This all comes on top of a book I just started yesterday. The book, Confessions of a Pastor, is gut-wrenchingly honest. I sat in my office earlier this morning with my Executive Pastor, Kim Pagel, looking through the chapter titles and realizing "Yep, I've thought that. Yep, I've struggled with that. Yep, that's me!"

As I read the first couple chapters during my reading time yesterday, I realized I HAVE to let certain people in (first and foremost my wife!) simply so I don't end up in a Ted Haggard situation. I love the Lord, my wife, my kids, my church, and my staff family too much to throw it all away for some momentary "fun" or "release". My pride wants so much to keep people out and maintain a certain persona, but God keeps telling me not to - I will eventually be found out if I try to hide the real me from those who matter most in my life. And besides, I'm not fooling Him a bit!

And so I want to cry. I want to cry tears of pain because of my own sin. I want to shed tears of sadness for Ted and Mike and New Life Church. And I want to release tears of joy that God is gently calling me to the painful-yet-freeing process of confession once again.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16a (NIV)

Reminder of the Day...

Ministry is messy.