Tears and Confession...

I want to cry.

As I woke up to the radio this morning, I heard a news report that Ted Haggard, Sr. Pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO and now-former president of the National Association of Evangelicals, was being accused of having a three-year homosexual affair. When I got to my office (after speaking at Isaac Newton Christian Academy's chapel), I headed to the Internet (before it was down for 5 hours today!) to learn more.

One of the first things I saw was an interview with Haggard. He denied knowing the guy, denied ever doing drugs, and claimed he was faithful to his wife. As I watched his eyes and body language, I truly believed he was telling the truth.

But now, just moments ago, I learned that he has admitted that "some of the accusations against him are true".

I am not going to make judgements about Ted or the accuser, Mike Jones, at this time. I've already seen too much of that in the few news articles I've seen so far. But if ANY of it is true, it makes me extremely sad. Sad that Ted would do what he knew was wrong. Sad that Ted lied to the media initially. Sad that Mike Jones chose to reveal this hoping to influence some ballots in Colorado.

But also sad because I know this could be me.

No, I've never had a homosexual affair. Heck, I've never even had a homosexual desire. And I've never had a heterosexual affair either.

But I have thought about a sexual tryst. I've looked too long at a woman on the street and wondered certain things. I know I've had all sorts of sinful thoughts and have been tempted in many ways many times. And if I'm not careful, I, too, could end up temporarily removed from my job while an investigation takes place.

This all comes on top of a book I just started yesterday. The book, Confessions of a Pastor, is gut-wrenchingly honest. I sat in my office earlier this morning with my Executive Pastor, Kim Pagel, looking through the chapter titles and realizing "Yep, I've thought that. Yep, I've struggled with that. Yep, that's me!"

As I read the first couple chapters during my reading time yesterday, I realized I HAVE to let certain people in (first and foremost my wife!) simply so I don't end up in a Ted Haggard situation. I love the Lord, my wife, my kids, my church, and my staff family too much to throw it all away for some momentary "fun" or "release". My pride wants so much to keep people out and maintain a certain persona, but God keeps telling me not to - I will eventually be found out if I try to hide the real me from those who matter most in my life. And besides, I'm not fooling Him a bit!

And so I want to cry. I want to cry tears of pain because of my own sin. I want to shed tears of sadness for Ted and Mike and New Life Church. And I want to release tears of joy that God is gently calling me to the painful-yet-freeing process of confession once again.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16a (NIV)

Reminder of the Day...

Ministry is messy.

Happy Reformation Day!

I was going to put a post on here about Halloween and how much I hate the holiday, but I remembered I did the same last year, so rather than rehash the subject, I will just link to the post I made last year. While I might have reworded things this year, my sentiments about Halloween have remained the same.

But I had a friend who told me that he chooses to celebrate the Reformation each October 31, so for any of you protestants out there, Happy Reformation Day!

P.S. We have a 9-year-old baby, 6-year-old bride, almost 3-year-old Elmo, and a 12-week-old pumpkin in our house this year!

Real Beauty

A while back, Mark Eades, our Jr. High Pastor at New Covenant, showed this Dove film to me (think soap, not Christian music awards...). He is planning to show it to his Jr. High girls.

Tonight during a wedding rehearsal dinner, this video came up as a topic of conversation. A couple of people hadn't seen it, so I'm posting it here for them and others to see this excellent 1 minute film that makes you think about what REALLY makes someone beautiful.

Church Shopping

Wow, this article really hit the nail on the head, I believe. But maybe it's because I've been up all night and not thinking clearly anymore...

But I still say that if you are looking for a church, or considering switching to a different church, read this article first. God may just have something He wants you to learn before you join the greener pastures of your new church home.

Email Avalanche

I am a full week behind on email, so if you've emailed me this past week and not heard from me, I am alive, I am not ignoring you, and I will reply shortly (I hope).

Gotta run. Giving a car to a guy who's vehicle was totaled in an accident two weeks ago. Someone donated it to the church to bless him. This should be fun to see his face after all the hard things that have happened to him these past two weeks!

Apathy towards the Divine...

Personal News
As I knew it would be, October has been a BUSY month. Here's a quick run down (if you care... if not, skip to the "Personal Thoughts" section)

I got the honor of leading a child dedication (which is really a parent dedication if you think about it...) at the wedding ceremony of friends Stephen and Tiffanie the first weekend of October.

Then the 2nd weekend of October I officiated the wedding of Austin and Sara (Austin's sister, Courtney, goes to John Brown University, my alma mater, so immediately you know she is cool - as is her family and new sis-in-law). I also helped with a funeral for a wonderful lady who never had her own children, but raised 6 orphans and 1 other child in her native country of Chad.

The third weekend was this past one, and I spent it at the Main Event collegiate conference (it was great - as usual!).

And this coming weekend I officiate another wedding for Ryan and Nicole (which will be a ton of fun!). Still trying to decide if I should squeeze in Saturday morning at our Pastor/Deacon/Elder retreat.

Whew! Just having the Thanksgiving holiday in November makes for an easier month. :o) Already looking forward to it!

Personal Thoughts

Sticks and stones
May break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.

At the moment those words are untrue. I've had this sinking feeling in my stomach all afternoon after hearing the words of a friend. No, he didn't insult me. But he did insult my God. Basically he doesn't care if he goes to heaven or hell. He tried the "God-thing" and didn't get the results he hoped for, and so God went from top of his priority list to absolute bottom.

It saddened me for him. But it dawned on me why he was so unhappy in life (well, he would say he is "desensitized" to life right now). I told him that he had tried to make God one of the chess pieces in the game of life. And when the piece didn't get him the results or the advantage he wanted, he chose to ignore the piece. It didn't give him good results.

But then I told him the problem with that is that God is not a piece in the game, he is the maker of the game and overseer of it. To know how to play the game, we have to submit to the rulemaker - how did he design the game to be played?

As I read the "rulebook" (the Bible - and yes, this analogy is starting to get cheesy and break down so I will abandon it shortly), God wants us to play with a submissive heart to him. He is not some pawn to be moved in a formulaic way to get the results we desire. He is a holy living God who knows we deserve death, but has paid the penalty through the cross because he loves us and wants a relationship with us (see Romans 6:23).

What makes my stomach sick right now, though, is that my friend knows this, and is still choosing to thumb his nose at God and live life "his" way. And to hear those words hurt deep. Not because they hurt me directly. But because those words are actually revealing the hurt he is feeling, and he has chosen to be calloused so as to not feel the pain.

And if my friend reads this, whether you want me to or not, I'll be praying for you...

The Race

This was supposed to be a "lighter" week for me since my friend Nate started a 4 week teaching series on Jonah at Watershed's Worship Gathering. But my week has been anything BUT lighter. One of the many things taking up my time has been helping a family plan the funeral for a beloved mom/grandma who tragically died in a car accident last week. In fact, I was at their house until after 11:00 pm last night finishing up details so we could print up a program today for Sunday's funeral service (or as they are calling it "Service of Consolation").

This morning I saw the news headlines on my screen saver and one said something about race. The ABC news article said that in a recreated 1940s test, black kids overwhelmingly picked white dolls as their preferred doll and as the "good" doll. This surprised me especially because last night I was helping a black family plan a funeral and I had listened to a black man speak at last night's Worship Gathering. And I hadn't thought a thing about it until I saw the short film referenced in the ABC news article (which was created by a high school student).

Nate (who hails from Chad, the same as the grieving family) and I have had conversations about race before. I live my life without any thought of race - he tries to, but sometimes it is an issue for him as an African man. To me, culture is far more important than the color of your skin. But obviously there are still people to whom race is a big deal. And it deeply affects their thinking, their choices, and their self-image (which the film made very clear).

What can we do to help those who struggle with issues of race? How are you, as a follower of Christ, helping others see that skin color doesn't matter to God?

More Phil Vischer

After posting about Godless Veggies, I saw Phil Vischer's new venture - JellyFish. On this new site is the story of how Phil went from starting and losing VeggieTales to starting JellyFish Labs. When I came across these two paragraphs, they really hit me at this busy time in my life:

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Through the experience, Phil realized some interesting things. First, our relationships with God are much more important than our work for God. God doesn?t want us to be ?busy,? he wants us to be available. He doesn?t want us to focus on ?impact,? he wants us to focus on obedience. If we?re walking with Him, we?ll know when He has something specific for us to do. We don?t need to make stuff up. If we?re so wrapped up in the work we?re doing for God that we can?t even make eye contact with the person bagging our groceries, something in our lives is way out of whack.

Second, to be a Christian is to give Christ ?lordship? of our lives. That?s what it means. He?s Lord, we?re not. And if we?ve given Christ lordship of our lives, where we are in 20 years is, frankly, none of our business. Where we are in 5 years is none of our business. What is our business, is what God has told us to do today, and whether or not we?re doing it. That?s it.
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God is so kind to me. Every time I hit a busy spell like this, I seem to get the above reminder in some form or another. Thanks, God, for the reminder. I needed it.

Godless VeggieTales

While trying to find out what college football games would be on TV a couple Saturdays ago, I accidentally stumbled onto a VeggieTales episode being shown on NBC. I was floored! As a dad of kids who love Bob, Larry, and the gang (ok, I admit, I love VeggieTales myself!), I was excited to think that quality, God-centered, values-teaching programming was going to be on broadcast television every week. Then I heard that the "God-centered" part of VeggieTales was being removed. It didn't make sense, and I thought that perhaps VeggieTales had sold out.

Well, I just saw Phil Vischer's blog explaining the whole story. I feel bad for him and others who had dreams of using quality Christian entertainment to teach kids about character-based living to only end up seeing the reason for our values being removed from the films.