1) Living together doesn't keep the marriage bed pure. (Hebrews 13:4) Many couples want their relationship/marriage "blessed" by God, and yet they intentionally live against his commands. God does beautiful work in the hearts of a man and a woman when they wait to share their bodies with one another - the sexual relationship will actually be better if they wait until after the rings have been exchanged. (Song of Songs 2:7)
2) Living together is practice for an affair. You are being physically and emotionally intimate with someone with whom you have not publicly exchanged vows. If you can display this deep level of affection with this man or woman, what's to say you can't do it with the next person who grabs your eye and heart when your marriage/relationship is going through a rough spot?
"But Erin," you protest. "What if a couple isn't having sex? What if they just live in the same house to save money, but they are saving sex for marriage? That would erase your first two reasons." To that I say:
3) Living together without sex practices divorce. Most divorces come long before one person has moved out. The couple usually live in the same home, sometimes even in different bedrooms, while the physical and emotional intimacy has ended. However, they still have to operate a household together. If the couple has practiced "no intimacy" while sharing living quarters, they set it up for them to repeat that pattern if difficulties appear in the relationship in the future. Living apart until after "I do" allows a couple to affirm their commitment and longing for each other in all areas.
4) Living together stops relationship growth. The reason my wife and I have date nights, read books on marriage, escape on overnight get-aways, and desire to attend marriage conferences is because marriage takes work. Because of schedules, kids, work, etc., we slip into only talking about the day to day issues of life and not the deeper issues of our relationship. The quickest way to stop the growth of a dating relationship or engagement is to live together. But when you commit to living apart until marriage, you use the time you DO get together more wisely and talk about the issues you need to discuss. Along with this, you also dream together about sharing life in the same space, which adds to the joy and excitement when you finally join households as "one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)
I have had this conversation with several couples, and surprisingly a number have agreed with me and separated until their wedding. Every couple (and I do mean every!) that has made the decision to stop living together has told me it was one the best things for their relationship and preparation for marriage.
This topic was brought to my attention again this week by a couple of articles. If you want to read more, try these links out:
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Erin Bird
erin.bird@newcovenantbible.org
Young Adult Pastor
www.newcovenantbible.org
erinbird.posterous.com
Twitter: erinbbird
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