This has been a tough week. On Monday, LeAnn sprained her ankle (or so we thought) while hiking out at Palisades. X-rays revealed yesterday there is actually a hairline fracture on the fibula (or is it fibia?). So LeAnn is confined to an equalizer boot (or is it a stabilizer boot?), crutches, and the couch (or is it a sofa?). Alright, I'll stop with the parenthetical questions (or will I?).On Tuesday, my friends, the Dolezals, lost their little 5-month old son. I just got done officiating the funeral this morning. Nate and Emily really put together a beautiful service that both honored the short life Rowan lived, and reaffirmed that God is still God, He is still good, and they will praise him, even in the midst of this storm. It was an honor to be with them this week and be part of this tough time with them, but I'd gladly trade this experience with them if it could get them their son back. He was such a precious little guy who had battled so much and overcame so many odds - and then to have it all end during a nap.
It's been tough trying to be there for both my family and for the Dolezals, and try and get other work done too. And as I type this, my wife is at the clinic with my youngest son to have a spot on his backside checked out for possible infection.
But what I said in my message during the funeral is true and it's what I'm clinging to right now. A couple people said the message was really good and meant a lot to them, so perhaps it might be meaningful to at least one of you, as well.
But what I said in my message during the funeral is true and it's what I'm clinging to right now. A couple people said the message was really good and meant a lot to them, so perhaps it might be meaningful to at least one of you, as well.
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I have been acting like a 2 or 3 year old lately. At least that’s what Emily indicated on Thursday as we sat together to plan today’s service.
I was telling her and Nate that my wife badly sprained her ankle (which we just learned yesterday is actually a hairline fracture on her fibula) while hiking at Palisades on Monday, so she has been laid up all week. One afternoon, she pulled out my laptop to do some things online. She has used my laptop many times, but for some reason when I saw her sitting on the couch, leg propped up, using my Facebook account to write friends, I inwardly thought, “hey, that’s mine! That’s my laptop!” Thus, Emily’s implication that my inner 2-year-old was coming out.
On Tuesday afternoon this week, I connected by phone to a tearful Nate and learned Rowan was not breathing. Emily was in an ambulance at that moment, and I could hear sirens in the distance. Not much later as I was on my way to the hospital, I got a phone call from Steve, today’s worship leader, telling me Rowan didn’t make it. As I hung up the phone, I found my prayers suddenly changing. I went from begging God to allow Rowan to live, to asking the question “why”. My inner 2-year-old was coming out yet again.
I think all of us are feeling a little bit like a question-filled 2- or 3-year-old in our grieving process. We think about Emily’s pregnancy with Rowan and his 5-months outside the womb, and our lips keep uttering “why”. Why did someone so precious and who overcame so many challenges in so short a time die so young? Why would God allow the sound of Rowan banging his plastic keys against his leg casts to be silenced so soon? Why does a nurturing 4-year-old brother have to now wrestle with the concept of a little brother who’s gone? Why do Nate & Emily have to be put in the difficult place of explaining to Rilynn that she can’t help with the baby’s baths anymore? Why would something like this happen to such a great family and to such awesome parents? Why couldn’t Rowan be resuscitated? Why would God allow this to happen?
As a pastor, I am frequently put in the uncomfortable position of being expected to have an answer. Whether it’s a theological question or a relationship question or just a life question, I am expected to have the perfect response. Unfortunately, I have let many people down.
If you have come today looking to have your Why questions answered, I am sorry that you now join the ranks of “people Erin Bird has disappointed”. I cannot give you an answer. I don’t know why God would allow this precious little boy to be born with the physical and genetic disorders he was given, (and which he was making great progress through) only to leave this life during an innocent nap. I don’t know why God would allow this to happen to such great parents – Nate and Emily are an incredible dad and mom. The day I got to visit Rowan in Iowa City just a couple of days after his birth, it was very evident that Emily was the right mom for him. She just knew how to care for him, even as he had casts on his hips, and tubes running everywhere. And Nate is simply amazing as a father. He is so involved with his kids; knows how to truly care for them and not simply be just some guy who lives in the same house. I can’t imagine a better father for Rowan, so I can’t answer why God would allow Rowan to leave these great parents at such an early age.
And so my inner 2-year-old keeps repeating “why, why, why”. But there is also something my inner 2-year old wants to do that I think will be helpful to all of us.
My youngest son turns two in a week and a half. He’s a sweet little boy who, much to my delight, loves to wrestle. As I wrestle him, I have the strength and power to hurt him deeply. He knows I’m bigger and stronger, but he trusts me to be gentle and play with him, as a good father should. When I throw him in the air, he completely trusts that I’m going to catch him. When he plunges into the water at the pool, he completely trusts that I will pull him up. He lives with a child-like faith that I, his father, will be there for him.
Jesus instructs us to have that same type of faith in our Heavenly Father. Mark 10:13-15 tells us the following story about Jesus’ view on child-like faith.
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
As I prayed with Nate and Emily and some of their friends and family in the hospital room Tuesday night, I heard that two-year-old type of faith in Nate’s prayer. I saw that complete trust in Emily as we planned today’s service and she shared what songs they wanted included.
Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”
Nate and Emily know God’s name, they know Jesus Christ, and so they trust him. You and I need to do the same. We may be filled with questions like a child, but we need to also have faith like a child. If anything is going to help us grieve properly, it is a complete assurance that God has not forsaken us at this time. We must place our complete trust upon God through Christ.
But notice in Psalm 9:10 that God says he never forsakes those who seek him. If you are not seeking Him, if you do not understand the significance of the cross of Christ, then you cannot fully trust Him. And you are left to mourn the loss of Rowan through human means alone.
Seeking the LORD does not happen through doing good works or saying the right things. Seeking the LORD is something of faith. And it is not placing your faith in what you can do, but rather in what God has done. Mankind is separated from God by sin, and there is nothing mankind can do on its own to cross the spiritual breach that exists between humans and God. But God, in His mercy, created the path upon which mankind could walk to cross the divide. Jesus tells us in John 14:6 that HE is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one can come to the Father except through Him.
If you have not placed your complete trust in God by placing your faith upon the cross of Christ as the payment for your sins, I invite you to step across, to place your spiritual feet upon the solid foundation of Jesus. Rowan was blessed to be born into a home that lives with faith in Christ. Emily was telling me a cute story about Reece and how he as a soon-to-be 4-year-old is just beginning to comprehend the idea of Jesus, the cross, and heaven. The story involves a bird’s nest, baby birds, and a trash can. You’ll have to ask her about it later. While the story brought a fun laugh in the middle of our grief, it gave me a glimpse into the home and the great job Nate and Emily are doing spiritually in parenting their children. Had Rowan grown to adulthood, he would have understood what I just explained to you, that Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of your sins, but you have to accept that forgiveness by placing your complete faith, your complete trust, on Jesus. I can’t help but think that one of the greatest ways we could honor Rowan’s memory is to live with a child-like faith in Christ, completely trusting him, even when our “why” questions aren’t answered.
The verse you find inside your program comes from Psalm 139, one of my favorite chapters in all of Scripture. And the verses Nate and Emily selected for today are perfect for the occasion. However, I would like to point out the verses that come prior to verses 13-18.
In verses 1-10, David writes: "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence. If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
Just as my 2-year-old has faith that I will be there when he jumps in the pool or wants me to throw him in the air, God wants us to know that know matter where we go, no matter what happens in life, He is there with us. Notice the psalm talks about heights and depths – joy and sorrow. It doesn’t pretend that life becomes easy when God is with us. David experienced the best of life and the worst, which included the death of his own newborn son. But through it all, David knew God was there.
King David is known for being called a “man after God’s own heart.” But he is also known for his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba, which led to the birth of a son who died shortly after birth. When David’s sin of adultery was revealed to him by the prophet Nathan, David cried out to God, and penned the song that we now know as Psalm 51.
In verses 10-12, David pleaded to God:
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Emily used to sing these words every night to her little “Punky Pie” as she put him to bed, therefore it seemed very appropriate to include "Create In Me A Clean Heart" in today’s service. But if you are sensing that you need to place your faith fully upon Jesus, I encourage you to use this next song, as you listen, to pray to God, confess your sin to him, asking Him to create in you a clean heart, and to give you the joy of His salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus.
I was telling her and Nate that my wife badly sprained her ankle (which we just learned yesterday is actually a hairline fracture on her fibula) while hiking at Palisades on Monday, so she has been laid up all week. One afternoon, she pulled out my laptop to do some things online. She has used my laptop many times, but for some reason when I saw her sitting on the couch, leg propped up, using my Facebook account to write friends, I inwardly thought, “hey, that’s mine! That’s my laptop!” Thus, Emily’s implication that my inner 2-year-old was coming out.
On Tuesday afternoon this week, I connected by phone to a tearful Nate and learned Rowan was not breathing. Emily was in an ambulance at that moment, and I could hear sirens in the distance. Not much later as I was on my way to the hospital, I got a phone call from Steve, today’s worship leader, telling me Rowan didn’t make it. As I hung up the phone, I found my prayers suddenly changing. I went from begging God to allow Rowan to live, to asking the question “why”. My inner 2-year-old was coming out yet again.
I think all of us are feeling a little bit like a question-filled 2- or 3-year-old in our grieving process. We think about Emily’s pregnancy with Rowan and his 5-months outside the womb, and our lips keep uttering “why”. Why did someone so precious and who overcame so many challenges in so short a time die so young? Why would God allow the sound of Rowan banging his plastic keys against his leg casts to be silenced so soon? Why does a nurturing 4-year-old brother have to now wrestle with the concept of a little brother who’s gone? Why do Nate & Emily have to be put in the difficult place of explaining to Rilynn that she can’t help with the baby’s baths anymore? Why would something like this happen to such a great family and to such awesome parents? Why couldn’t Rowan be resuscitated? Why would God allow this to happen?
As a pastor, I am frequently put in the uncomfortable position of being expected to have an answer. Whether it’s a theological question or a relationship question or just a life question, I am expected to have the perfect response. Unfortunately, I have let many people down.
If you have come today looking to have your Why questions answered, I am sorry that you now join the ranks of “people Erin Bird has disappointed”. I cannot give you an answer. I don’t know why God would allow this precious little boy to be born with the physical and genetic disorders he was given, (and which he was making great progress through) only to leave this life during an innocent nap. I don’t know why God would allow this to happen to such great parents – Nate and Emily are an incredible dad and mom. The day I got to visit Rowan in Iowa City just a couple of days after his birth, it was very evident that Emily was the right mom for him. She just knew how to care for him, even as he had casts on his hips, and tubes running everywhere. And Nate is simply amazing as a father. He is so involved with his kids; knows how to truly care for them and not simply be just some guy who lives in the same house. I can’t imagine a better father for Rowan, so I can’t answer why God would allow Rowan to leave these great parents at such an early age.
And so my inner 2-year-old keeps repeating “why, why, why”. But there is also something my inner 2-year old wants to do that I think will be helpful to all of us.
My youngest son turns two in a week and a half. He’s a sweet little boy who, much to my delight, loves to wrestle. As I wrestle him, I have the strength and power to hurt him deeply. He knows I’m bigger and stronger, but he trusts me to be gentle and play with him, as a good father should. When I throw him in the air, he completely trusts that I’m going to catch him. When he plunges into the water at the pool, he completely trusts that I will pull him up. He lives with a child-like faith that I, his father, will be there for him.
Jesus instructs us to have that same type of faith in our Heavenly Father. Mark 10:13-15 tells us the following story about Jesus’ view on child-like faith.
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
As I prayed with Nate and Emily and some of their friends and family in the hospital room Tuesday night, I heard that two-year-old type of faith in Nate’s prayer. I saw that complete trust in Emily as we planned today’s service and she shared what songs they wanted included.
Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”
Nate and Emily know God’s name, they know Jesus Christ, and so they trust him. You and I need to do the same. We may be filled with questions like a child, but we need to also have faith like a child. If anything is going to help us grieve properly, it is a complete assurance that God has not forsaken us at this time. We must place our complete trust upon God through Christ.
But notice in Psalm 9:10 that God says he never forsakes those who seek him. If you are not seeking Him, if you do not understand the significance of the cross of Christ, then you cannot fully trust Him. And you are left to mourn the loss of Rowan through human means alone.
Seeking the LORD does not happen through doing good works or saying the right things. Seeking the LORD is something of faith. And it is not placing your faith in what you can do, but rather in what God has done. Mankind is separated from God by sin, and there is nothing mankind can do on its own to cross the spiritual breach that exists between humans and God. But God, in His mercy, created the path upon which mankind could walk to cross the divide. Jesus tells us in John 14:6 that HE is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one can come to the Father except through Him.
If you have not placed your complete trust in God by placing your faith upon the cross of Christ as the payment for your sins, I invite you to step across, to place your spiritual feet upon the solid foundation of Jesus. Rowan was blessed to be born into a home that lives with faith in Christ. Emily was telling me a cute story about Reece and how he as a soon-to-be 4-year-old is just beginning to comprehend the idea of Jesus, the cross, and heaven. The story involves a bird’s nest, baby birds, and a trash can. You’ll have to ask her about it later. While the story brought a fun laugh in the middle of our grief, it gave me a glimpse into the home and the great job Nate and Emily are doing spiritually in parenting their children. Had Rowan grown to adulthood, he would have understood what I just explained to you, that Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of your sins, but you have to accept that forgiveness by placing your complete faith, your complete trust, on Jesus. I can’t help but think that one of the greatest ways we could honor Rowan’s memory is to live with a child-like faith in Christ, completely trusting him, even when our “why” questions aren’t answered.
The verse you find inside your program comes from Psalm 139, one of my favorite chapters in all of Scripture. And the verses Nate and Emily selected for today are perfect for the occasion. However, I would like to point out the verses that come prior to verses 13-18.
In verses 1-10, David writes: "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence. If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
Just as my 2-year-old has faith that I will be there when he jumps in the pool or wants me to throw him in the air, God wants us to know that know matter where we go, no matter what happens in life, He is there with us. Notice the psalm talks about heights and depths – joy and sorrow. It doesn’t pretend that life becomes easy when God is with us. David experienced the best of life and the worst, which included the death of his own newborn son. But through it all, David knew God was there.
King David is known for being called a “man after God’s own heart.” But he is also known for his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba, which led to the birth of a son who died shortly after birth. When David’s sin of adultery was revealed to him by the prophet Nathan, David cried out to God, and penned the song that we now know as Psalm 51.
In verses 10-12, David pleaded to God:
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Emily used to sing these words every night to her little “Punky Pie” as she put him to bed, therefore it seemed very appropriate to include "Create In Me A Clean Heart" in today’s service. But if you are sensing that you need to place your faith fully upon Jesus, I encourage you to use this next song, as you listen, to pray to God, confess your sin to him, asking Him to create in you a clean heart, and to give you the joy of His salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus.
3 comments:
Erin thank you so much for sharing this, it is so powerful. You are a blessing in hard times.
Thanks so much for writing this out. For many reasons we did not attend Saturday morning, I'm sure you can understand a few. I'm glad I stopped by your blog before I shut down for the night (even though it resulted in tears and a clock now nearly beaming midnight). I really needed to hear (or read) some of those words myself. Thank you.
You know, while you can't have all the answers, you sure are a blessing through difficult times. You really blessed our family a ton and the way you write (speak) about the Dolezals, I'm sure its the same. Thank you for being willing to allow God to use you, and to reach out to others even when it means having to sacrifice (and I know it does).
Thank you, Gina and Tiffanie, for your very kind words.
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